Here's something I came across months ago, that still gets to me whenever I read it.
"The so called psychotically depressed person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of "hopelessness" or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view. In other words, the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror: the fire's flames. When the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall, it's the terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!' can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."
- David Foster Wallace
- David Foster Wallace
- Mood:
pensive
Just so goddamned lazy to put my thoughts into words
but these thoughts are overwhelming me.
- Mood:
discontent
“We need much bigger pockets, I thought as I lay in bed, counting off the seven minutes that it takes a normal person to fall asleep. We need enormous pockets, pockets big enough for our families, and our friends, and even the people who aren’t on our lists, people we’ve never met but still want to protect. We need pockets for boroughs and for cities, a pocket that could hold the universe.”
— Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer
I am not straight.
I am not gay.
I am not bisexual.
I am not lesbian.
I am not pansexual.
I am not asexual.
I am not transgender.
I am simply human, and I believe that love knows no gender.
(via fuckyeahhotnessx)
I am not gay.
I am not bisexual.
I am not lesbian.
I am not pansexual.
I am not asexual.
I am not transgender.
I am simply human, and I believe that love knows no gender.
(via fuckyeahhotnessx)
- Mood:
loved
"To travel is better than to arrive."
I don't have the other ones to abandon. And it scares me every single day
I don't have the other ones to abandon. And it scares me every single day
- Mood:
sad
You're waiting for a train,
a train that will take you far away
You know where you hope this train will take you,
but you can't be sure
But it doesn't matter
because we'll be together.
a train that will take you far away
You know where you hope this train will take you,
but you can't be sure
But it doesn't matter
because we'll be together.
- Mood:peculiar
Back here to keep some things in check.
I've somehow managed to convince myself about certain things or ideas under the pretext of the 2011 magic. But let's be real what's changed? The only difference is another page torn off the calendar. All along I've been telling myself to breathe and trying to take a step back so I can look at the bigger picture but still, still I'm not sure what I'm seeing
And my scheduler pisses me off its so tiny and the pages are thin what the heck was I thinking buying a cutesy scheduler WE ALL KNOW THOSE AREN'T THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ONES
Okay done re-evaluating my emotions. Basically just feeling like I need a spark to blow up in my face at least then I'll have something happening in my life
I've somehow managed to convince myself about certain things or ideas under the pretext of the 2011 magic. But let's be real what's changed? The only difference is another page torn off the calendar. All along I've been telling myself to breathe and trying to take a step back so I can look at the bigger picture but still, still I'm not sure what I'm seeing
And my scheduler pisses me off its so tiny and the pages are thin what the heck was I thinking buying a cutesy scheduler WE ALL KNOW THOSE AREN'T THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ONES
Okay done re-evaluating my emotions. Basically just feeling like I need a spark to blow up in my face at least then I'll have something happening in my life
- Mood:
anxious
+ Study BTT
+ Study japanese
+ Get percomm surveys done
+ Research for soci
+ Do mmp
+ Return sk cam
+ Write outline for j2
+ Finish erdingers in the fridge
I need something to distract me. Just wish I had something other than the above. Busy as hell I need to speed up and get on track. My j2 results are disgusting. Time to stop breathing and get my shit together
+ Study japanese
+ Get percomm surveys done
+ Research for soci
+ Do mmp
+ Return sk cam
+ Write outline for j2
+ Finish erdingers in the fridge
I need something to distract me. Just wish I had something other than the above. Busy as hell I need to speed up and get on track. My j2 results are disgusting. Time to stop breathing and get my shit together
- Mood:
rushed
OH WAIT I TOTALLY FORGOT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BLOG ABOUT BEING THANKFUL, HOPEFUL AND SHIT HAHAHAHA
Alright here goes here goes. So its a fresh start for all of us in 2011, and here's what I will accomplish:
Attend more events
Cruise with my 2 Dawn(s)!
Tatt convention 2011
Join more runs (Alr signed up for Terry Fox hehe)
Club more (LAST YEAR OF BEING A TEENAGER)
Buy a dslr
Pass BTT with full marks
Pass FTT
GPA 3.4?
Spend more time with the cousins
Help out more with the chores
Pass jp exam
Drop to and maintain at 50kg?
Buy a new wallet
Get a job (even if its not ku de ta)
Be more comfortable with myself
Trip to perth?
DRESS UP FOR HALLOWEEN
Celebrate thanksgiving with close friends
Give more thought about my options in year 3
Take the bus more often
Attend morning lectures more often
Give @dtaewon a fucking crazy awesome 19th bash
Have myself a fucking crazy awesome 19th bash
ZOUKOUT ZOUKOUT ZOUKOUT (if the lineup is good)
Have someone to kiss on christmas
Have someone to kiss on new years
Came up with these so far. So thankful for all that's happened in 2010! Yes, thankful. All the drama and shit -- twas pretty nuts but at the end of the day they make nothing but great stories. I'm excited for the new year, we're gonna make it count. ;)
Alright here goes here goes. So its a fresh start for all of us in 2011, and here's what I will accomplish:
Attend more events
Cruise with my 2 Dawn(s)!
Tatt convention 2011
Join more runs (Alr signed up for Terry Fox hehe)
Club more (LAST YEAR OF BEING A TEENAGER)
Buy a dslr
Pass BTT with full marks
Pass FTT
GPA 3.4?
Spend more time with the cousins
Help out more with the chores
Pass jp exam
Drop to and maintain at 50kg?
Buy a new wallet
Get a job (even if its not ku de ta)
Be more comfortable with myself
Trip to perth?
DRESS UP FOR HALLOWEEN
Celebrate thanksgiving with close friends
Give more thought about my options in year 3
Take the bus more often
Attend morning lectures more often
Give @dtaewon a fucking crazy awesome 19th bash
Have myself a fucking crazy awesome 19th bash
ZOUKOUT ZOUKOUT ZOUKOUT (if the lineup is good)
Have someone to kiss on christmas
Have someone to kiss on new years
Came up with these so far. So thankful for all that's happened in 2010! Yes, thankful. All the drama and shit -- twas pretty nuts but at the end of the day they make nothing but great stories. I'm excited for the new year, we're gonna make it count. ;)
- Mood: cheerful
January 1st, 2011.
First day of the year and let's be real, things don't feel very different. Or maybe just not yet. :)
Spent new year's eve partying at the marina bay countdown since we got free tix and honestly I was so tired I wanted to crash so many times!!!!!! The lineup wasn't awesome but good company definitely made up for it! Jumped wildly whenever they played good songs esp 'If I Had You' at one point I think I even yelled "FUCK IT LET'S GO (CLUBBING) AFTER THIS" to the girls........oops haha but I didn't in the end alright! Was waaaay too exhausted. (I remember bumping into the bunch on the train and papa kept saying "Dawn you look damn sick..." Of course when translated = "Wow Dawn you look like shit")
The 10 second countdown felt like a split second compared to the hours we spent waiting prior to that, and the fireworks were amazing...it was like seeing jellyfish in the sky, if I had to describe it. Like billions of sparks exploding and just expanding in the sky like jellyfish tentacles. And then there was golden glitz shimmering everywhere it looked like it was raining glitter. I remember linking arms with idieh and just staring at the sky in awe for the entire 8 minutes.
I decided to leave right after the fireworks and spent the worse time trying to get home ever!!! Oh my god I left at 1210am and got home at 2++am. First thing I did when I got home was to turn on the airconditioning and strip. It was horrible feeling my hair and clothes clamping on my skin just wanted to get it all off and take a hot bath - which I did and felt orgasmic btw. At one point I just sat in the shower for a few mins and let the hot water run over me.
FIrst day of the year and I'm out of energy. Pretty sad I didn't have anyone to kiss (although I did get one from heidi yay) but pssssh who sticks to these traditions right (uh rhetorical)
First day of the year and let's be real, things don't feel very different. Or maybe just not yet. :)
Spent new year's eve partying at the marina bay countdown since we got free tix and honestly I was so tired I wanted to crash so many times!!!!!! The lineup wasn't awesome but good company definitely made up for it! Jumped wildly whenever they played good songs esp 'If I Had You' at one point I think I even yelled "FUCK IT LET'S GO (CLUBBING) AFTER THIS" to the girls........oops haha but I didn't in the end alright! Was waaaay too exhausted. (I remember bumping into the bunch on the train and papa kept saying "Dawn you look damn sick..." Of course when translated = "Wow Dawn you look like shit")
The 10 second countdown felt like a split second compared to the hours we spent waiting prior to that, and the fireworks were amazing...it was like seeing jellyfish in the sky, if I had to describe it. Like billions of sparks exploding and just expanding in the sky like jellyfish tentacles. And then there was golden glitz shimmering everywhere it looked like it was raining glitter. I remember linking arms with idieh and just staring at the sky in awe for the entire 8 minutes.
I decided to leave right after the fireworks and spent the worse time trying to get home ever!!! Oh my god I left at 1210am and got home at 2++am. First thing I did when I got home was to turn on the airconditioning and strip. It was horrible feeling my hair and clothes clamping on my skin just wanted to get it all off and take a hot bath - which I did and felt orgasmic btw. At one point I just sat in the shower for a few mins and let the hot water run over me.
FIrst day of the year and I'm out of energy. Pretty sad I didn't have anyone to kiss (although I did get one from heidi yay) but pssssh who sticks to these traditions right (uh rhetorical)
- Mood:
sore
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